There just happened to be enough gap in the netting right by my door that I could see the sky. The moon is so bright tonight. I love it.
I stand outside with my tea and listen to the sounds of Camp Ramadi – the hum of the generators and the footsteps on the gravel near my living quarters. Many nights you listen to the sound of weaponry. (i'm not a fan of that sound). And, at many points throughout the day, you hear the prayer played on loudspeakers.
The breeze is reminiscent of the Jersey shore. It sure doesn’t smell or sound like the Jersey shore, but sometimes, I pretend like I’m there, sitting on the sand, hearing the waves and feeling the breeze pull my hair to one side of my shoulders.
The generators, which can be so annoying at times, are still music to my ears. It means we have power. Not having power is not fun – especially when I live in a small space without any windows. So, when there is no power, it’s like sitting in a dark oven.
My CHU (containerized housing unit … also known as a combat housing unit between me and Steph) is small. It’s extremely small but it’s all mine and it’s decorated with goodies from home. So, I love my space – however small it may be!
People often refer to live in the sandbox as Groundhog Day. I can see the truth in that description. There is a ton of repetition. As a photojournalist, I get a bit more variety than others – I think.
I came out here thinking my job would be a bit different than it is right now. I get to do some of the things I thought I would do, but overall, it’s different than what I had envisioned.
Nonetheless, things here are always changing and I’m sure what I do now, I might not do in a month or so. Just like when I first got here, I never would have thought I’d work with the Marines. But the last few weeks, all I did was work with them. It was fabulous. I mean, my RIP didn’t even have any mention of the Marines so that’s the most interesting twist about it. (RIP = relief in place. It’s where you train with your counterpart you are replacing and learn his/her job so you can continue the mission when they leave.)
It’s a quiet night for me. I had a long day and I’m looking forward to a relatively relaxing Sunday. There are a lot of things I have to do but sleeping in (like an hour) is among those goals. LOL
I don’t get much time off here. The ways I relax and collect myself is primarily through yoga, through the letters I read from home and sifting through the occasional (and absolutely fabulous) care packages sent to me with all the love in the world.
I’m so grateful for my family and friends who make the time to write me and send me things. It’s kind of disappointing to learn that a lot of my friends don’t take the time to stay in touch. But then again, I have a lot of friends who aren’t in the military and probably don’t understand how valuable a handwritten letter is.
My upbringing has always included pen pals and my mom is the expert at keeping Hallmark in business. Not only do we watch Hallmark movies together (with tissues nearby) but we are also great at writing cards to people … and each other. Epistolary relationships are divine.
When I go home to visit her, I always go to the store and buy a handful of cards. I hide them (and a few gifts) around her house so when months have passed, she still finds a random card from me stuffed somewhere like in her office, in her winter clothes, etc. I always try to find a way to keep her happy and remind her how important to me she is. I think she writes me a letter every single day from home. She tells me about her day and it really is the little things that make me happy. I like hearing about her day, about life back home, about my dog she is doing so great taking care of for me.
I have a few random letters from friends and they just make me so happy. One of my wonderful friends in Florida writes me pretty frequently. I love her letters. It’s so wonderful to get her letters.
Mail call is like Christmas. Or better yet, it’s like a birthday. It’s like everyone having the same birthday and you have one big party and the cool kids get gifts and everyone else watches them get gifts and have to do their best to be happy for the kids with gifts … when deep down inside, you want a gift too!! Of course, you are happy for everyone who gets mail, and your heart goes out for those who don’t. I’m typically one of the lucky ones. Pretty much every mail call, I get mail because my mom writes me daily. Sometimes I’ll get a letter from a friend here or there. Sometimes I get a random care package from someone I don’t even know. I don’t even know how some people get my address. They stuff the care packages with food and personal hygiene products. I give mostly all of it away to the Soldiers here. This way, Soldiers who don’t normally get mail still get first dibs on some good stuff from home – no matter who it’s from or intended for.
The weather here is changing. It’s about 100 during the day, which is surprisingly comfortable. In the evenings, it dips low. I think it was in the 60s the other night. Do you have any idea how cold that is? It’s frigid! I don’t even want to know what 30s feel like here. I keep thinking how I’m going to walk to and from my shower trailer with wet hair. Eeeeek! I never thought I’d refer to 100 degrees as comfortable but with the way my body has acclimated to this crazy life in Iraq, it has become a normal temperature for me.
Some people are kind of curious about the missions I go on. I don’t really talk too much about it, but I can tell you that I have my own way of getting my mind right for when I leave the wire. I carry two good luck items. I carry one with my dog tags and another one around my neck. These little things mean a lot to me. I always hope they will add an extra layer of protection in the bubble surrounding me. I have a ritual even about cleaning my weapons. I clean my 9mm first, then I clean my M4. I use a cleaning kit a friend gave me. Only on occasion do I open my Army-issued weapons cleaning kit. Otherwise, I like using the things my friends gave me. Even my sling, my lanyard on my 9mm, my Gerber… it all was a gift. I cherish all the things my friends give me. I love that they take the time to send me things that made it with them through their tours, and so they let me use it and hope it brings me the same luck … and ultimately returns me to my family and friends who are waiting for me back home.
Home. What a funny word that has become. During my time here, I’ve become homeless. I don’t really have a home, but I refer to Jersey as home – it’s always going to be home to me. Colorado isn’t home. Where will I go when I get “home?” I don’t know. There is a lot to figure out in the near future. For now, I go “home” at night to my CHU. Home … I just don’t know what that means these days. I find “home” with some of my friends. I find “home” in my family. I try to make a comfortable “home” wherever I go. And, no matter where I end up, I’m certain my home will be as comfortable as I need it to be.
I go on R&R soon. I have no idea what I’m getting into. I’m venturing somewhere I’ve never been. I have no idea what it will be like to be back around beautiful bright colors, different sounds, freedom of not worrying about the threat levels, listening to the sounds of small arms fire or the ground shaking from an IED. I look forward to living a “normal” life for a couple weeks. I’m sure it will be exciting. And, if nothing else, I’ll see (a glimpse) of how much I have changed … if I’ve changed at all.
Days pass here and blend into one another. I look at my watch to see the date. I’m normally two days off. I never know it’s Saturday until I read an email from someone back home. I always think Tuesdays are Thursdays. What is in a day anyway when they all feel the same? I guess not much.
I really look forward to enjoying my weekends again. I guess even on R&R my weekends won’t matter still. It won’t be until next year when days really count and I can enjoy my Saturday breakfast that I love cooking so much and my weekend coffee. We all have routines we love. I love my weekends – or, did love my weekends – because I would take a loooooong time getting ready for my day. I would stay in my pjs, make coffee, sit at my computer and cook up something delish.
Asparagus. God, I miss asparagus. I miss blueberries too. I miss wine, I miss good cheeses, I miss food shopping, I miss cooking my fabulous tomato sauce and having it fill the house with such sweet, delicious aroma. I miss so many things. I look forward to having all of these little pleasures again in just a few short months.
Well, that’s about it for me.
For those of you who have taken the time to support me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you aren’t in the military, you may not fully understand how much your support means. One day, over a glass of wine, I’ll do my best to explain how your support carried me through the toughest days and gave me an extra reason to smile on the easier days.
Good night. I’ll see you in my dreams.
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